Objective: demoing direct, day game for student during 1on1
Me= “So I have a question for you, do guys ever hit on you to try and take advantage of your SWEET discount”
HBSales Girl= “lol, not that I can remember”
Me= “Well, it’s happening to you NOW! You are incredibly sexy and I want to get to know you better”
HBSales Girl= ” hahahaha OMG you are crazy, I might be able to give you a discount…. but I have a boyfriend…”
The old “I HAVE A BOYFRIEND”. A line that has crushed more dreams that the all the hoverboard rumors combined!
I get asked how to handle this on almost every first time Coaching Call.
So to save myself from having to explain it time and time again ;), I am posting how I handle this here- to help all my Bravohood brothers!
First off you need to understand WHY she is bringing this up, which there are a few reasons she could
She doesn’t have a boyfriend, and is trying to get you to stop hitting on her
She has a serious boyfriend.
She maybe has a boyfriend/ or someone she is into, and she is more attracted to him … for now
The first one is the worst. She is trying to be “nice” about blowing you off, which many guys take as-
“ya she was digging my shit and she wanted my D, BUTTTTTT she had a BF”
When really she was just creeped out by him and said it to get him to leave her alone. Since she didn’t check him, he didn’t think how he acted caused it, so he keeps acting the same way, and continues being creepy. (thanks GIRLS!)
If she is in a happy, committed and serious relationship, then when she says that she has a BF= she means it and is letting you know so you aren’t wasting each others time.
So then that only leave #3. Which is the one that you can play with.
Again you have to THINK about WHY she brought up that she “has a boyfriend”. Most of the time, guys aren’t as direct as me, and if they are running indirect game and she drops the BF line, then that means you were triggering the I AM HITTING ON YOU switch in her brain. So to fix that, hold back on anything that she could be picking up as an indicator of interest, throw a disqualifier out there, or change up your stack.
If you are running more cocky/funny direct game, like I prefer, then when I deliver my statement of intent, it make it perfectly clear what my intentions are.
- and my mindset is I would always rather be the guy who went for it and gets rejected, than the guy sitting at home, ALONE, wishing he tried
My joke about guys hitting on her for a discount, is something I got from Seinfeld, I use it ALL the time, and even if I don’t get the girl I can almost always get a discount!!! (and most importantly it is FUN for me to use) so that is a FREE TOP SECRET opener for you guys, that works awesome on Hired Guns- you are welcome.
So did I get her phone number?
How I use to respond to the BF line was with something like “Great, I am not looking for a GF, I am looking for someone just to have fun with” and then I would plow.
“You don’t have to convince me that other people find you attractive” -or another cocky/funny line along those lines.
But then I saw The Break Up. My brother kept telling me to watch it because of the dirty dishes scene
Gary: “Fine, I’ll help you do the damn dishes.”
Brooke: “That’s not what I want. I want you to want to do the dishes.”
Gary: “Why would I want to do dishes?”
Again Vince Vaughn delivers.
But the scene that I thought was the best was the opening scene where he hits on Jennifer Aniston at the baseball game and then when she brings up that she has (and was with) her BF- he plows like a BOSS!!!
So I modified it and that is how I followed up with HBSales Girl.
HBSales Girl= ” hahahaha OMG you are crazy, I might be able to give you a discount…. but I have a boyfriend…”
Me= “Are you going to marry him?
HBSales Girl= “I don’t know….I am only 23…I’m not thinking about marriage yet.
Me= “Then that is a NO!”
HBSales Girl= “no it’s NOT!”
Me= ” yes it is…because if it was a yes, you would’ve said YES, since you didn’t say yes…that means it’s a NO! I am pretty awesome and we might REALLY hit it off….so you kinda owe it to yourself to see if we click. You seem like the type of girl who is into really good beer. Have you been to Angels Trumpet Ale House yet?”
HBSales Girl= “no, but I’ve been wanting to check it out!”
Me= “you have to! It’s awesome, tons of super cool beer from all over the place, you have to look at the chalkboard out back to see what they have. So I’ll take you there and we can grab a beer, give me your number and we can go sometime this week.
HBSales Girl= “Ok, here it is (writes it down) I’m looking forward to having a few beers with you! :D”
Me= “No I said A beer…not multiple beers….Right now it is taking every ounce of self control I have not to hop over this counter and just have my way with you. I can control myself if I have ONE beer…but if I have a couple….well I can’t promise you will be safe. ;)”
HBSales Girl= “OMG!!!! You are crazy…..OK I look forward to grabbing a few beers with you ;)”
Me= ” You are a baddddd girl ;)”
We walk out of the store and my student turns to me and says. “What just happened??? She said she had a boyfriend and then a few seconds later she is giving you her number….how is that even possible”
So that is how I handle the BF line, when it RARELY comes up (it rarely comes up because if you are awesome, many a girl who has a BF will NEVER even mention it!)
Ask if she is going to marry him – if YES, then I would stand down
Anything other than YES, say “then that is a NO!” with a big smile
Tell her that you are probably going to hit it off and that she owes it to herself to see
Transition right into date plans (this girl had a rocker vibe so cold read her and went the beer route, also figured that she hadn’t been to this bar yet because it was fairly new and a bit of a drive from where she worked
Escalated and ABCed (Always Be Closing)
Point about my morals= I pushed this one a bit, to show what is possible in front of my student and to show off just a little.
If a girl legit has a BF I will not pursue her. I don’t want to be the guy who breaks them up, and I don’t want to possibly START a relationship with a girl on those terms. Many times the girl will later say that she doesn’t have a BF, that he was just someone she went on a few dates with, or she just ended a relationship. In that case=
One of the reasons why I moved back to Arizona was because California made it illegal for me to carry a firearm to defend myself. Nowadays I am always armed, and yet still fashionable!
But what if you don’t have a self defense tool with you when you need it, or just don’t have one at all?
Situations such as-
in the shower
on the can
in an area where they are prohibited, and they check like an airport
working UC (UnderCover)
In a recent Improvised Weapons Class I helped teach some SWAT and UC guys from various local agencies the selection and use of different “weapons of opportunity”. We covered 3 groups in the class-
1. Edged weapon
2. Impact weapons
3. Flexible weapons.
Each student was given a homework assignment to find 1 of each type of improvised weapon in their home. The next day they reported back with what they found and how they would use them.
If I decided to look around for a weapon while I was in the kitchen, I had access to more large knives than I could carry, a cast iron skillet that would make a nasty impact weapon, and a dish towel that I could use to choke or limb control someone with.
If I decided to look around while on the can….I had a lot less options (but still all 3 if you think about it).
So I want all the guys who read this, and on THE BRAVOHOOD, to do this drill with me.
Set your phone or watch alarm for 2:13pm tomorrow (tomorrow from whenever you read this) and as soon as you hear it going off, freeze (unless you are driving) and quickly scan your environment for weapons of opportunity and how you would employ them. Think about if an attack WERE to happen, where would they be coming from. How could you escape..is escape even an option? Would you have to fight your way THRU an exit?
For a 2nd drill, set a countdown timer on your phone for 27 mins after you wake up the following day, and when it goes off do the same drill.
If you want to set a few additional alarms to drill this multiple time= AWESOME. Just spread the times out randomly so they kind of surprise you.
Report back in the comments below and list at least 1 of each type of weapon that you could find when the alarm went off, and details on how you would use it to defend yourself (and others if applicable) and how you would then get to safety.
I will personally respond to each comment with feedback and tips in a few days (after I finish up with my 1on1 this weekend and want you guys to have enough time to try and to report back).
Since my divorce in 2005 I have been working on improving my life, especially on connecting with others, primarily women .
Since starting BravoPUA.com 3 years ago, I have learned more about teaching than all the previous years I was teaching Pick Up and Shooting, Knife Fighting, and Close Quarter Combat (since 2000) combined!
I’ve kept my PRIVATE “bootcamp” event PROJECT X off the PUA radar, because I wasn’t sure it would even work.
Living together with students, spending every hour with them for days downloading as much info as I can…hell I wasn’t even sure if they were going to like what I was teaching let alone if it would blow up in my face.
PROJECT X, where I hand select the guys who can attend from an inbox full of applicants and invite them to Arizona so we can all work together and leave with memories and knowledge that will last a life.
At the end of the first one, something awesome happened. We were all brothers at the end.
The BROTHERHOOD was something I was hoping might happen, but never dreamed it would develop into anything as awesome as it did.
Guys were loving their newfound PUA skills, texting me in the middle of the night about some crazy adventure they just were on, guys were travelling across the world to hang out with their PX brothers- INCLUDING ME!
Well during the last one- PX4, I had Cinema come out and film some of it for you guys, so you can get a better idea about me, what I am about, what and how I teach, how those who attend can be transformed, and the bonding we all experience at PROJECT X.
It is my HUGE fucking honor to show you this short film and let you know that now, after 3+ years, I have trained enough Coaches and Jr. Coaches to MY INSANELY HIGH STANDARD that we can now offer PROJECT X more often and accept more applicants!
So check out this video and let me know what you think.
I showed my mom this video and she didn’t like all the cussing and I don’t think she was fond of the student making out with a chick at the bar….
My dad asked me a while ago why don’t I advertise with “teaching nice guys how to meet nice women….or something like that” and I don’t think has ever believed what I do is a real job
but after watching this he said it was great and was proud of me
so be careful, from those two reactions, this will either finally make you love me or make you feel like I am an even bigger disappointment than before and you still can’t understand why I put so much of my life on the “interweb”
If you are ready to change your life, go to PROJECT X to apply and hopefully I will see you there.
I see it all the time online (my forum included) and then after I read the post I am left wondering where the shit test was, or even worse, reading something where the girl is making it clear as day that she is NOT interested in the guy but he takes it as a shit test(maybe because she was giving him “shit” when she told him to fuck off??)
So to get us both on the same page, think of a SHIT TEST as a CONGRUENCY TEST.
She is seeing if you are CONGRUENT with the confident vibe you are putting out there, if you really are the confident guy who (unlike most guys in there) had the balls to approach her, and she is seeing if you are man enough….to handle a woman like her.
If you are confident and congruent with what you are spitting, and not just using a few canned lines you got out of a book, it can actually be pretty easy to deal with.
NOTICE that I didn’t say “pass”.
I am not there to PASS her tests, I am talking to her to see if SHE is cool enough for ME. (part of my whole Alpha Male mindset )
So just like your job or any hobby you have, if someone asks you a few follow up questions you should be able to respond pretty easily to almost anything they say….because you have legit experience in that area and it is one with you.
Before I became “Bravo” the 2 ways I had to deal with this the most was with magic and my tactical background.
With the gun, knife, tactical teaching stuff- every guy who has served, studied martial arts, or was just into it would want to know HOW I got into it and who I had worked with. There are so many posers in this field, that guys still come up to me at PUA events and will resume check me.
-which I am 100% fine with….because I am congruent
The BIG area that this really came up with is with magic.
I was really into magic as a kid…but then one day some guys in school said it was dumb, so I stopped doing it. I was still REALLY into it, watched every special on TV there was, and would even do a few illusions during lunch breaks in my gun classes…to relax the vibe. But it wasn’t until I got into self help that I realized a life where I avoided things that I am into because someone that I don’t care about tells me they are lame= a shitty life. So I got back into, REALLY back into it, got pretty fucking good and for a long time magic was one of my PUA crutches. I would carry a few decks of cards on me at all times! But not because I always wanted to be ready, but because if I didn’t have them I wouldn’t be able to DHV, so wouldn’t be able to approach…oh man. It was however, AMAZING at helping me get good at dealing with people’s shit tests. Once you are able to control a large group, deal with guys giving you shit and trying to ruin it, deal with the drunk girl trying to take all of the attention= talking to a few girls is easy son!
So when I came across this vid, it instantly brought me back to some of the shit I had to deal with.
It’s for some new movie about stage magicians, the preview looked dumb, the kid in the video always gets me confused with the nerdy kid from Arrested Development, and to make it worse- the chick in the vid fucks up his shit and didn’t play along
AFTER SHE WAS THE ONE WHO ASKED HIM TO PERFORM
Now one thing I loved about this vid is the way he gave her the business right back. At the end when he really zings her with how he doesn’t want to find her, she even laughs at the end when she says he is “such a jerk”.
She doesn’t REALLY think he is a jerk!
-and even if she does, I would rather a woman have AN emotional reaction when interacting with me than NO reaction, it’s easier to turn a negative into a positive than a DEAD ZONE into a positive.
She clearly has an attitude….. which some guys love, and from my years of experience have a feeling that if a guy couldn’t handle a few of her smart ass remarks there would be ZERO chance she would ever become attracted to him.
Which this leads into something I teach called DEALING WITH RESISTANCE.
I teach there are 3 ways to deal with resistance, and this vid was a great example of 1 of the ways
FORCE vs FORCE
Think about Mike Tyson throwing a punch at your head. Even if you have done some boxing and have a good block, his punch is going to blast right thru you and still do damage.
-less than optimal response
Now think of a 5 year old kid throwing the exact same punch and you block exactly the same. You are going to avoid any damage AND also very likely, the kid is going to hurt their arm/fist on you.
In one instance it was the wrong move, and the other it worked out great. It all depends on who had the stronger force, and they ended up “winning”.
“those jeans are kind of gay”
“no they aren’t they are actually really cool”
“you walk around with a knife in your pocket”
“ya, it’s a great tool and I use it all the time”
See how it can be a fine line between qualifying, just matter of factly responding or like the punch a GREAT response?
One issue, like in the video, is that it is harder to LEAD the story somewhere else…you are just kind of left hanging with the person who’s frame/force was stronger to move on, which once you are good you can start thinking a few steps ahead of others. Also when dealing with people who out rank you (boss, cops, etc.), you maybe don’t want to do this because even if you “win” they can still trump you and fire you, or arrest you.
Dealing with force by meeting with force is definitely a way to deal with resistance…..but some times not the BEST way.
Especially for a guy who is working on improving his PUA skills, it can quickly turn into a pissing match.
If this resonates with any of you, let me know in the comments and I can make this a 3 part-er and cover the next 2 ways.
After a crushing miscarriage and divorce, I started my self improvement journey.
Shortly after, I read THE GAME, became Style's HEAD COACH at his PUA Academy, travelled the world teaching guys how to pick up women, and was written about in his follow up best seller RULES OF THE GAME.
In 2010 it was clear that what I was teaching was MORE than just Pick Up, so I started this site and have helped even more guys, on a deeper level improve their lives.
If you're ready to begin your transformation and want me to help, please visit my coaching page.