Author Archive

I can’t call myself a PUA anymore

It’s time…RIP

I can’t call myself a PUA anymore.

Being a “Pick Up Artist” is only “COOL” to guys who can’t get girls.

So many other self proclaimed PUAs have given what I do a horrible name, (and rightfully so)!

I also haven’t taught how to be a “PUA” in years.

What I have done, is teach guys how to be confident and cool, how to convey that in a non-creepy way, and how to make a connection with new and old friends, in a compressed and usually semi-awkward environment.

 

I got into Pick UP after my divorce and a miscarriage, because I had issues with WOMEN. Then I figured out that I just had issues with PEOPLE. Only later did I figure out, that I really only had issues with MYSELF.

 

Before I ever got into the whole crazy world of Pick Up, I was the Director of Training at a big gun range where I wrote and taught all of the advanced firearms classes. I left and started working for a private contracting company and helped teach some pretty badass guys some cool skills.

Once I got known in the PUA world, Neil Strauss, author of THE GAME, hired and moved me to LA to work for his company, The Stylelife Academy as the Executive Coach. For years I taught men across the world, and was featured in his best selling follow up RULES OF THE GAME.

In 2010 I started BravoPUA.com because I wanted to teach guys on a deeper and more personal level. I did things different, guys have to first apply then I personally interview each of them, and only allow single digit students to all of my events. The amazing results speak for themselves! –HERE

In 2016, as a natural progression of my personal growth and my teachings, I retired BravoPUA and have started doing everything under my REAL name StephenGrosch.com.

This allows me to share with you the things that really made me the MAN I am today, MORE than just “Pick Up”.

I constantly examine my life, looking for areas I can improve (eg survival skills currently) and do what it takes to master them. This new site is my place to share that with you, what I think is the most important things every man should know.

 

It can best been summed up as-

 

  • How to love yourself and others.

  • How to protect yourself and your loved ones.

 

I have been told what I have shared with others has saved lives, helped people more than double their income, find the woman of their dreams, start the family they always dreamed about, and live the life they always wanted.

I hope you will visit my NEW SITE and some of what I share can help you!

Respectfully,

Stephen Grosch

http://StephenGrosch.com

Above all things, BE A MAN

 

 

-this site will stay up, but the forum has already moved, as well as all of the blog posts. All of my new posts will be over on StephenGrosch.com and like the LIVE Facebook Streams I have been doing, I will be doing a LOT more cool things for all of you soon!

Just be yourself. What the hell does that mean?

I remember the first time I heard “JUST BE YOURSELF” and thought=

What the fuck does that even mean? I AM being myself, isn’t EVERYONE being themselves?

Even worse, it was said by a beautiful girl and when I asked her to break that down, she just repeated it again, in a more girly voice. (think legally blonde)

I then dismissed it thinking it was shitty and pointless advice that was no help to me.

Throughout the years I heard this again and again, or variations of it, and each time I would think how dumb and pointless this advice was….

 

But does that actually mean it is shitty advice?

 

OR is the problem twofold

  1. Women who I heard this from weren’t able to logically break down what they are EMOTIONALLY attracted to in men and what this actually means at a root level.
  2. I was not in a head space yet where I could understand what this piece of GOLD actually meant!

 

Being “yourself” is an evolving and ever changing reality. I am still ME 20 years after hearing this, I am just an older, wiser, tougher, better looking, and more confident version of myself now. 😀

My favorite analogy on improving yourself and being TRUE to who you are is think about it like a CAR.

Some guys want to just get a girl and do 0% work on improving themselves. This is like trying to sell your car AS IS. Unless you have been taking care of it for all of these years…it won’t get you a lot of money for it.

Now imagine investing a day on improving your ride. You wash it, vacuum it out, and take some really good pictures before posting it online This helps you justify asking for more money for it.

Now imagine if you waxed it, steam cleaned the upholstery and motor, recently put new tires on it, got every service documented and done at the factory auto shop and had the paperwork to prove it. You didn’t just do this to sell it, you actually did this ALL THE TIME because you care about your car, you could justify asking WAY more money for it!

So let’s say this is your car, a 70’s CUDA (one of the coolest cars ever)!

The paint has worn off, the tires don’t match, the grill is missing and so is a headlight, and it actually doesn’t even run. Some people would still be happy buying this car as is, but only a very small segment of the population.

Cuda

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But you start working on it, you know how awesome this car can be if you put in the time on rebuilding it. You have the skills, or friends with skills, or the money to hire those with skills, to help you turn this broken down car into a work of art!

 

You strip away everything, which helps you find areas that you didn’t even KNOW you had to work on, until you get to the frame, the FOUNDATION of the car. THEN you start building it back up, bolt by bolt, wire by wire, you decide to improve it and drop a bigger motor in it, add better brakes and wheels, and AC.

 

 

 

Once you are done, you have one of the COOLEST cars ever a 440 Cuda. A car that people all over the world dream about, have posters hanging in their bedroom or garage of, people take pictures of it when they see it, strangers honk and wave when they see you driving by, it even might win awards.

This is all the SAME car.

It isn’t PRETENDING to be something it’s not.

It is just being a BETTER version of itself.

Some of you guys might not be classic car, muscle car, or MOPAR fans, and that is fine. All that means is you have BAD TASTE!

I want to say I am joking, but really I am not, the only cars cooler than a 440 ‘Cuda is a Hemi Cuda and a CUDA AAR! 🙂

But if you REALLY don’t like it, that is OK. There are enough people out there that do, and me and them already have something in common.

So when that girl, all of those years ago told me to “just be myself”, this is what she was talking about.

  1. By being MYSELF I was putting out an accurate snapshot of who I am to every woman (and person) I meet. By giving them that honest picture, it makes it much easier for them to decide if I am someone they might click with. When guys are out there PRETENDING TO BE SOMETHING THEY ARE NOT, they are basically lying to everyone they meet. (Women who hook up with these guys and later find out it was all an act, rightfully feel like they were manipulated into bed).
  2. She was also telling me to be the BEST version of myself! Not the stinky, unwashed, fat, bad clothes wearing, weak, unable to protect myself or my loved ones, poor, shy, unconfident version of myself. (which could easily exist if I let it).
    She was saying she wanted the version of me that lives up to my full potential!

Which can be difficult to do…

And it was.

Until my divorce.

Then I decided to make life my bitch and take control of it.

It took a while, I had to break down the areas of my life that need overhauled, rebooted, improved, and even add stuff I never would have dreamed about. Breaking everything down to the foundation let me see things I didn’t even know I needed to work on. It then let me rebuild myself into the man I am today.

The path I travelled was a difficult one. Moving to another state, the amount of money I spent, working a job that was making me sick from all the BS each day, and spending more hours than I can even count working on my Pick Up, Dating, and Life skills.

But now, as I sit here in my home office, looking out the window into the snow covered pine trees, living in Flagstaff, where I have been wanting to move to for years, living with my GF, who is the coolest most amazing woman I have ever met, getting ready to head out to teach a 3 day 1on1 private session, recently returning from a friend and former student’s wedding, working for myself, when I want, with who I want because of the world I have created, and I think back to the version of myself who first heard this, who heard “I want a divorce” who was alone, who was depressed. It’s almost like a dream. I have to really think about it to even remember SOME of that version of myself…and even then it doesn’t feel like ME…not anymore.

I can tell you first hand.

Everything I went thru and all the hard work was all worth it.

2015 was an action packed year for me. I knew I was moving away from Phoenix so spent as much time as I could training with my martial arts instructor, travelling, camping, martial arts, edged weapon and firearms training, and check marking more and more boxes off of my goals list that I made almost 7 years ago.

2016 is right around the corner.

I have accomplished so many things that are on my goals list that I am actually having trouble trying to add MORE things to it!

So if you want to work on goal setting TOGETHER, making 2016 YOUR year, and want to do a frame up rebuild on yourself, your life, or your relationship goals, and become the BEST version of “BEING YOURSELF”, I am here and ready to help.

You can do it solo like I did, and take years figuring it out on your own and hope to get lucky, or you can get my help and learn things in days that took me months or even years to master!

Personal and Private coaching with Bravo

Let’s make 2016 the last year we are unhappy with our direction in life, and instead take it in the direction we want, that WE control!

So you are like Hitch?

Ya….kind of……but I don’t teach guys to lie!

This is the first question I get as soon as I respond to the old “so what do you do for work?”

-and what my GF gets from all of her friends and co-workers as soon as she tries to explain my job to them.

It’s their only taste of this world besides the dating advice columns in magazines and all of those books like THE RULES but….most don’t take those things seriously.

They never got so depressed staring at the ceiling each night from bed, a bed they sleep in alone, wondering what’s wrong with them and why they don’t have to balls to talk to girls (and then google how to get help).

But I digress-

They like Will Smith (I’m still pissed about I AM LEGEND), he does have some great quotes about life and seems like a solid dude…so I will let it slide. Anyways Hitch was a big movie and even if they didn’t watch it they have at least heard of it.

-Word is they are actually turning this movie into a TV show, CNN LINK

So I wanted to cover a few of the big issues I had with HITCH

 

#1 ALWAYS be honest!!!

 

The movie starts off with him setting up a scenario where he lures away a woman’s dog, gives it to a client who then sets up an elaborate ruse where he can act like he almost died trying to rescue it.

Dog Thief

What a great way to start things off with the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with!

I am honest, to a fault. (don’t ask me if jeans make you look fat unless you want the truth). I always tell my guys to be honest with women, and EVERYONE in their life.

-eg. Never lie to a woman about your sexual intentions? There are PLENTY of women who are down for the same!

 

So how was HITCH teaching guys to lie?

As soon as he starts doing his RECON work for his client’s “mark” he is:

A. Being creepy as shit

B. Gathering INTEL to help his customer create a fake identity with whom the “target” will then helplessly fall in love with.

-The problem with wearing a mask, is eventually it has to come off.

Days, weeks, months, YEARS later….the truth is going to come out and she is going to be mad/hurt, and she has every right to be.

You should never have to LIE to anyone, if they don’t accept you and your terms, keep looking until you find someone who does.

 

I, on the other hand, prefer to teach men how to be the BEST VERSION OF THEMSELVES. 

What does that actually mean?

It means teaching my guys to live up to their FULL POTENTIAL. To not allow something stupid like limiting self beliefs or 1 person’s negative opinion from years ago, to control the direction of your life!

Guys like me needed to have a paradigm shift and understand that this IS something that we can control, something we can work on and actually get better at, and THEN how to do so.

 

#2 Don’t chase that one girl!!!

 

I have gotten this question more times than I can even try to count, thru email, Facebook, in person, and on phone coaching calls.

“So there is this one girl…”

As SOON as I hear this, I know I am dealing with an AFC.

Thinking about “this one girl” at work, who works at someplace you frequent, or from your past- who has NEVER shown you even an ounce of attraction and probably doesn’t even know you are alive- well bad news, obsessing over “THIS ONE GIRL” is closer to stalking than love, on the relationship spectrum.

 

Guys need to learn that women aren’t beautiful butterflies.

 

Well they are human beings for one, but something that will help guys understand this is the Butterfly/Moth analogy.

Any guy who runs outside with his net, trying to catch “this one” perfect butterfly will always be disappointed.

Instead you need to understand that women are more like moths, and YOU are the bright light that attracts them. Then YOU chose the one(s) you want. The bigger and brighter you are, the more that you attract, and the more choices you have.

 

Then you find women who are legitimately attracted to YOU for being YOU!

 

Now I know this idea might be almost impossible for an AFC to comprehend, but there are TONS of guys on my forum who have learned this, and will tell you first hand that it works.

I am currently in the BEST relationship of my life, living with my GF and this is how I “got her.”

I was awesome, she realized how awesome I am (and vice versa) and we both know how fortunate we are to have found each other.

No trickery, no lies, no pretending to be something each other is not. No con-games set up to trick her to fall for me. No gimmicks or manufactured scenarios to push her into my arms.

Which ultimately is the lesson that Pick Up tries to teach guys, that so many fail to even get close to understanding (even guys who teach this stuff).

The purpose of Pick Up is to level yourself up, to become cooler than you ever thought possible, to become the man that WOMEN WANT TO BE AROUND, and then be able to actually build a honest and deep connection with another human being, in any possible location in a short timeframe.

Once you have the skills to do that…life gets pretty awesome.

What Anthony Johnson has to say about my Online Game program spoiler: he’s now married because of it!

I get lots of messages thanking me for my help and advice and vouching for what I teach.

Most of them I keep on the DL, some of them I share from time to time, this one was extra awesome so very happy to share!

Anthony, who runs the 21 Convention, invited me out to speak at his event a few years ago.

I talked about 2 of my favorite things= GUNS and ONLINE DATING.

-I am a lucky SOB 😉

I had a great time, because so many speakers brought the heat. I was bummed when I had to fly out before the end of the last day because I didn’t want to leave (unlike a few other events I have spoken at, where I can barely sit thru some of the speaker’s talks and am planning my escape!)

When I heard Anthony was getting married I remembered that we had spoken before about a awesome gal he met online and asked if she was the same one…she was!

He sent me this to share with my guys, and I am glad and honored that I had a small part in him finding love.

 

Anthony Online Game plug

 

 

I tell all of my students= Even though I’ve had lots of fun, I never found a woman who I legit connected with on a deeper level at a bar or club. Every girl I ever met who I really clicked with, I either met thru my social circle, or online.

Those of you who read my last blog post that my GF helped me write= we met on PoF!

-and are now living together, and this is the best relationship both of us have ever been in!

I remember when I first got into Pick Up. I read that I should avoid Online Game.

What shitty advice.

Why WOULDN’T I want to have ANOTHER way to meet women??? I also can pre-screen them and look for ones that I am not only physically attracted to, but also ones that are are into the same shit as me.

And the BEST part= it makes it even easier for GIRLS to hit on US, all without even leaving our house!

 

So every guy who is looking for a girl, should be utilizing this amazing (and mostly FREE) resource!

Just remember my first lesson in my program, Online Game is not a replacement for Real Life Game.

-but it is a lot easier and requires a lot less work!

Congrats Anthony, I wish you both all the love, happiness, and best on your new lives together!

 

For more information on the same tips and tactics that helped him and countless others (including me) meet someone special, check out my Online Game 2.0 program

What can be done to stop the Elliot Rodgers in the world?

Elliot_Rodger_Dead

“Never let a good crisis go to waste”

 

People are already using this horrible event to further push their political and personal agendas.

As a “PUA” for the last 8 years, a firearms and tactics instructor for the last 13 years, and living with my girlfriend who has a masters and works in the mental/behavioral health field and specializes in crisis response- we may have some of the most qualified and insightful takes on this tragedy.

First up, lets straighten out some of the facts about this story

Clearly this is a TERRIBLE event, and I am NOT using this tragedy to push any political, personal, or radical agenda. I just want to clearly lay out the facts that many news and web sites are slanting in their direction.
I have also read articles referencing Rodger’s posts on various internet sites, one being PUAHate (which is now offline).

The Pick Up Artist Community’s Predictable, Horrible response to a Mass Murder

Lumping PUAHate in with the “Pick Up Artist Community” is the same as saying the NRA and the Brady Campaign are part of the “Gun Rights Community”

They have a 180 degree different view on the subject and both think the others are crazy!

I have had guys message me and posting on my sites that The Bravohood could have saved this guy, which I disagreed with.

Rodger needed a LOT more help than my forum could have offered him. Was his lack of sexual contact with women the focus of his rage that was the tipping point?…sounds like it. But when reading some of his online posts and parts of his manifesto, he was as far off as possible when it comes to what his issue with others was.

 

IT WAS HIM

 

People picked up on his attitude and energy and made the wise decision to STAY AWAY FROM HIM.

Going to the park and sitting for hours hoping women will approach you, bragging about how expensive your shades are and what kind of car your parents bought for you, isn’t the solution to sex and losing your V-card (otherwise that is all any guy would ever do)

Becoming the man that others want to be around, that adds value to other people’s lives, that is fun and exciting and truly knows what you want and works towards attaining those goals= is how you build a life that is inviting to others.

Looking at women as a prize or as a conquest is reducing women to objects and is a distorted and unhealthy view on life and people.

Approaching and building your conversation / social skills, understanding that others don’t look at life or the timeline of attraction the same way as you, that people have to feel different emotions before they become attracted to others, and that just because YOU like someone isn’t a reason for them to like you= are things guys who want to improve their social skills need to understand.

 

My first gut reaction when I first heard about this was to wish I was there and that I could stop him (=Sheepdog Mindset), the main reason I moved from Ca. back to Az. was the gun laws which prevented me from being able to legally carry my firearm, but after 2 engagements with police, it wasn’t until he wrecked his own car before he killed himself.   Which proves how difficult shooting on the move can be, unfortunately none of those officers were around when Elliot was on foot.

My 2nd thought was, if only he had worked past some of his issues, maybe he wouldn’t have snapped. Then I read

Rodger had been seeing therapists on and off since he was 8, according to Astaire. He went to high school in Van Nuys, California, and met with a therapist “pretty much every day,” Astaire said.

So it looks like he was getting as much help people thought he needed, and unless he has a history of violence, there wasn’t much more anyone could do.

So what could have been done to stop him?

Sarah, please take it away-


 

Let me start with this disclaimer: I have no special knowledge of Elliot Rodger or the case. I am basing my assessment of him and this situation from what I have reviewed of Elliot’s posts, from what I have gathered from the news and internet, and from my eight years of education and experience in the behavioral health field.

There have been reports that he had mental health issues, ranging from high functioning Aspergers to extreme paranoia and auditory hallucinations (hearing voices). I have no doubt that he did have Aspergers, which would account for his poorly developed social skills and inability to communicate well with others or make friends. He was also reported as very intelligent, which would account for his ability to later say whatever was needed to keep the police from forcing him to undergo an involuntary psychiatric assessment, when his parents called them for a well check. I see no evidence of paranoia or hallucinations, other than possible delusions of grandeur.

What I do see is a very angry and bitter young man, who instead of turning that anger and disappointment inward as many of us do (which results in depression, social anxiety, low self esteem, and/or impaired self confidence), Elliot Rodgerprojected all of it onto other people, blaming them for his perceived social exclusion. Regardless of whether this was caused by growing up feeling entitled to life’s happiness and others’ attention in an affluent family who gave him whatever he wanted, or due to blossoming mental health issues (most likely a bit of both), this anger and perceived injustice snowballed into a hateful narcissistic rage towards everyone he thought was having more fun than him.

 

What would it have taken to have stopped him, & what to do if you recognize an Elliot Rodger

 

Clearly there were a lot of variables here, and many people want to name or blame one (guns, improvement of social skills, police involvement, mental health treatment, parents teaching him accountability/work ethic/responsibility instead of spoiling and enabling him). Very likely, there is not just one variable that needed to have been addressed to change the course of events. I am going to focus here on the mental health and police involvement aspects, as this is what I do nearly every day here in Arizona (another disclaimer: I am familiar with this process only for Arizona; it varies somewhat from county to county and state to state, though the process and laws are usually comparable).

Anyone who saw the videos and realized how concerning they were could have reported it to police, who would have completed a well check (basically going out to his house to ask him if he was okay, and if he was really going to kill anyone). If the police felt that there was reasonable cause for concern (that he may harm himself, someone else, or had substantial enough psychiatric issues), they could have brought him in for an involuntary psychiatric assessment by a psychiatrist (this has many names, a involuntary psychiatric hold, a civil commitment, a psychiatric petition, and in California a 5150. In Arizona we call it a petition for short, which is how I will refer to it). However, as long as you say the right things to police and/or the psychiatrist (“no, i would never harm anyone, I was just angry, it was actually for a school project,” etc, etc) it is usually relatively easy to talk your way out of this type of situation. Keep in mind that when the police complete a well check, not only are they usually not trained to recognize mental health issues, they have to have reasonable cause to bring someone in. This could make it relatively easy for someone to say the things the police need to hear to believe you are not a danger. Even if the psychiatrist deems it appropriate to hold you for a couple hours up to a couple days, it is difficult to keep someone any longer than that, who is not gravely disabled or clearly a danger to self/others.

 

So what could have been done?

 

His parents could have continued following up, continued calling police for well checks, sought crisis intervention, went to his place and demand to search his room, ensured police or crisis staff actually viewed some of the concerning material, and his parents themselves (or anyone who heard/read his material) could have completed the petition. Most likely, they were unaware of the petitioning process and how to handle the situation (most people are) and did not want to believe he was capable of such violence. Clearly outpatient counseling and psychiatric services were not enough, and I am not convinced that a stay in the psych ward would have changed his belief that he was superior to others and that women (and “obnoxious men”) should pay for having denied him a happy life. By the time he had begun to plan to murder those he deemed responsible for his unhappiness, it would have taken drastic measures to have stopped him, such as an long psychiatric stay or imprisonment. And on what grounds? We live in a country where it is extremely difficult to hold or lock up people against their will, even search their house, without a very good reason. Prior to the last video being put up by Elliot, there was most likely not much to go off, unless his parents would have found his guns and writings about killing people.

Luckily, those who exhibit any Elliot type behaviors or make similar statements most likely are not quite to the extreme state that he was in just prior to the killings. If you ever hear anyone make statements about wanting to kill other people and you think that they could be even the least bit serious (and you don’t feel comfortable talking with this person to explore the issues and find out more), report it to the police and/or crisis line in your area. And keep reporting anything you hear that could indicate that person has thoughts or harm others, or him/her self. Sometimes it really does take more than one phone call.

 

What if you recognize a little bit of Elliot Rodger in yourself?

 

I have been hearing that there are many people out there who in some ways identify with or admire what Elliot did. They may feel a lack of social connections with others, they may turn the anger and disappointment inwards, or may suffer from social anxiety, depression, lack of self confidence or low self esteem. They may feel jealous and resentful of others whom they perceive to have happy and fulfilling lives, and they may be tired of feeling lonely and alone. If there is any part of you that can identify with this, and you recognize this is due at least partly to your own shortcomings, there is good news. You are one major step ahead of Elliot in improving your life than he ever was, and ever will be. The first step toward improving the quality of your life is simply being aware that there is something you would like to change or improve about yourself, and taking ownership of it. Social anxiety and depression are very treatable, and millions of people throughout the world have improved their communication and social skills, once they recognize that they are the only ones who have the responsibility and the power to make it happen. I urge any of you who feel as though they can identify with Elliot, take this moment to consider what it is that you are truly unhappy with in your life, and recognize that there are opportunities to change it. Counseling and therapy works for lots of people, and there are millions of people out there who are able to make improvements in their lives using self help/ self improvement techniques and opportunities, of which there are literally millions. Suicide (and in this case, hurting other people) is what some may turn to when they truly feel they have no other choice or opportunities in life. However, there are crisis services out there who help people every day when their thoughts turn hopeless and dark. The National Suicide Hotline is available 24/7, and is not just for people who are suicidal, but those going through a hard time. They have internet chat capabilities, and can also sometimes connect you to a local hotline that has more resources available in your area: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org, or 1-800-273-TALK.

 


Thanks Sarah for sharing that info with my guys on your day off!

 

 

The bottom line is crazy people, unless stopped, will always find a way to cause others harm. There are steps I take every day to mitigate the chances of ever being in life or death situations. There are also steps I take, that up my levels of awareness and options I have to defend myself and others. (and have had to use) But when someone decides to sneak attack random people in what should be safe environments, no additional laws or regulations will stop them from carrying out their goals.

Taking away the rights of others, never prevents it.

-For any of you guys who feel like you need the help Sarah wrote about, please do it. Having met quite a few of her co-workers, I can vouch for their amazing commitment to caring and helping people in their times of need, something I can relate to!

-For any of you guys who are looking for help in the areas that I teach and need support, positive advice, want to learn how to socialize  and connect with others on a deeper and honest level, please join our FREE FORUM where guys like you (and me) have been able to improve our lives and are helping others do the same.

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From Bravo-

After being featured in RULES OF THE GAME and travelling the world working for Style as his Executive Coach, I realized something

I teach MORE than just Pick Up, I help men, on a much deeper level, become the best version of themselves so they can meet, attract, & GET the woman of their dreams! -all while NOT relying on routines and cheesy pick up lines!

If you're ready to begin your transformation and want my help, please visit my coaching page.