One of the most misunderstood and most difficult to overcome sticking points for new guys.
The fear of the approach is so powerful, that it quickly filters out the guys who aren’t committed to learning this stuff. But new guys who have very little experience getting numbers and getting dates start encountering “flakes” and their resolve and self confidence can get a bit shaky. Lucky for you, I am going to break this down so you can instantly understand what is going on…and you don’t have to spend a year trying to figure this out on your own (like I did back in 2006 which ultimately lead to the Bravo Number Close)
Guys (and AFC me) have so much trouble trying to understand this because we are still viewing the world thru AFC glasses, and have a distorted view on is actually going on.
The most important and first thing you need to understand is=
A reschedule is different than a flake
“Hey, something came up and I have to stay late at work tonight so I can’t meet you for a drink, can we hang out tomorrow?”
That COULD be a 100% legit excuse!mans since she is offering a reschedule date, that conveys that she WANTS to see you.
If she’s doesn’t offer a hard date and is more general with something like “maybe next week” then you should try to lock it down. If she is wishy washy on setting a time then respond back like a confident guy would with, “cool, well let me know when you are free and we can do something then :)”
That way the ball is in her court, incase she IS wanting to see you, the door is still open and her getting back to you is her giving you a big GREEN LIGHT. This also saves time my time because I don’t think about her or the date again until she contacts me, and it prevents AFCs from contacting her too much and looking creepy. It also conveys that I am a man with other options.
When dealing with a legit reschedule, I give her 1 chance at another time. If she wants to see me, she will find away. If she is on the fence just trying to “politely” blow me off (wasting a guys time and giving him false hope isn’t the polite way ladies. This is a good example of woman logic. If she doesn’t have to deal with the repercussions. It doesn’t exist). Now there are always exceptions to the rules and one girl who is a nurse and was on call had to reschedule a few dates, and because I was attracted to her, I let it slide. I did however let it be known that any time that happened, she had to figure out a way to make it up to me…and she always did!
Now a TRUE flake= a chick blows you off, stands you up, leaves you hanging= fuck her.
Back in my AFC days, a flake would get me worried. (me being the super nice guy that I was)
- She was digging me…and she wouldn’t do this, she’s not that type of girl….so something clearly happened…I wonder if she got into a car accident or something.
- Is she OK?
- I need to know.
- Maybe she’s lost.
- I better call her again.
- No answer.
- I better call her again.
- Shit. No answer.
- I’ll know, I’ll text letting her know it’s OK to blow me off!
- “If you don’t want to go out with me that’s cool, I just want to make sure you are OK. Just text me so I know. Either way I wish you all the best. :)”
What a giant fucking pussy….that was still painful to just type out….too bad I am not the only one who knows that pain.
Why would you wish a person who just conveyed to you, that you aren’t even worth a few seconds of their time, the best.
AFC think like this
Not adults who value their time!
Our time is our most valuable asset, fuck anyone who wastes mine! (especially whoever invented the fucking automated telemarketer)
Just like fuckers on craigslist who never come by, and don’t call/text/email you saying they changed their mind and leave you waiting around the house for an hour waiting for them.
Fuck them! (got it?)
If you built SOLID attraction, she wouldn’t flake on you.
Who do you think is the hottest chick in the world?
Prime Angeline Jolie
Or maybe some dirty porn chick.
Whoever she is, it doesn’t matter. The analogy will work. For the sake of the story I’m going to use Natalie Portman.
Let’s say you bump into her in your home town. You approached her (because you decided FUCK IT and took a shot like a Boss) clicked and go for the number close.
“I actually don’t even have a phone right now. It got hacked and I’m going over to japan for a month for a movie. But give me your number and I PROMISE that I will call you when I get back and we will have a date”
What would you do?
Of course you’d give it to her!!
So a month goes by, you tell all of your friends about it, and as 30 days draw closer you start getting excited.
Every time the phone rings you get excited, only to look at the caller ID and see its work, or even worse. Mom.
A few weeks go by
A month or 2
4 months go by and you’ve finally accepted that she isn’t calling, none of your friends believe you and you are so bummed, you don’t even jack to her anymore.
Then the phone rings and it’s some weird number.
“Hey……Stephen? It’s Natalie. I’m not sure if you remember me…”
“Natalie, of course I remember you…… what happened?”
“I am SOOOO sorry. I put your number in my purse, it got packed up, I looked for it everywhere, and I JUST found it and called you right away.
I really want to see you….if you still do?”
– of course we want to
“I’m in town this weekend, I have a suite at the Ritz and was wondering if you would want to come over, we can get room service and enjoy the hot tub that is in my room?”
– of course what would you say???
But, you have to work?
So what would you do?
Take time off? Call in sick? What if they won’t let you… quit your job?
What if it is your mom’s 60th birthday that weekend?
“Sorry mom. I’m sick. Cough cough. I can’t make it.”
Or are you cool enough with your mom-
“Hey mom, just got off the phone with Natalie Portman, we are hanging out this weekend, she’s in town, and we are hot tubbing, cool if I raincheck the bday?”
“Sure thing! Good luck Steve, wear a rubber, pretty sure she banged Russell Brand.”
“Shit, good memory, Thanks mom!”
Now why would I blow off mom’ bday for a chick that I don’t really know, and left my hanging for months?
Because she Natalie Fucking Portman, that’s why!!!!!!!!
She has SO much value (in my head), social proof, is hot, rich, basically she has +5000 attraction in my mind.
So if the girl you number closed last week only has +10 attraction in YOU, she might flake for any reason. If someone else comes along who rolls a +200 attraction, you get downgraded to a +2 and get blown off. Or since you only worked flash game, had a +200, but a day later, after she had time to think about things, and decided she didn’t like the pink boa as much as she thought….and the alien high five was more gay than cool, then that +200 turns into a -500 and her and her friends sit around making fun of you.
How do you fix this and prevent flakes?
By running solid game, that connects on a deeper level, that isn’t just flash game, and striking while the iron is hot ( locking in day 2 plans THEN, not days later).
Do that, and your flakes will basically disappear and reschedules rarely, if EVER happen. If they keep happening, then you aren’t running solid game.
I don’t even worry about flakes now. If a girl does flake, then that is her demonstrating her mindset (which clearly is not one I want to be around) that she clearly has bad taste (by not making the time to hang out with an awesome guy like me), or the third reason a chick will flake.
An emergency actually came up and she couldn’t reschedule with me.
If that happens, then when she does reach out to me later, I have to hear a good excuse, believe her apology, and accept whatever offer she is making to “make it up to me”. If I’m not satisfied with all of those, then her ship has sailed.
Lastly, a simple way to prevent those AFC thoughts from ever building up is to have a texting relationship with her already established. So when she is getting ready to leave she texts to let you know. Maybe she texts you because you have to let her into the building from outside, or for any other reason you can think of. That way if she doesn’t text before your date, you already know and aren’t left swinging in the wind.