I remember the first time I heard “JUST BE YOURSELF” and thought=
What the fuck does that even mean? I AM being myself, isn’t EVERYONE being themselves?
Even worse, it was said by a beautiful girl and when I asked her to break that down, she just repeated it again, in a more girly voice. (think legally blonde)
I then dismissed it thinking it was shitty and pointless advice that was no help to me.
Throughout the years I heard this again and again, or variations of it, and each time I would think how dumb and pointless this advice was….
But does that actually mean it is shitty advice?
OR is the problem twofold
- Women who I heard this from weren’t able to logically break down what they are EMOTIONALLY attracted to in men and what this actually means at a root level.
- I was not in a head space yet where I could understand what this piece of GOLD actually meant!
Being “yourself” is an evolving and ever changing reality. I am still ME 20 years after hearing this, I am just an older, wiser, tougher, better looking, and more confident version of myself now. 😀
My favorite analogy on improving yourself and being TRUE to who you are is think about it like a CAR.
Some guys want to just get a girl and do 0% work on improving themselves. This is like trying to sell your car AS IS. Unless you have been taking care of it for all of these years…it won’t get you a lot of money for it.
Now imagine investing a day on improving your ride. You wash it, vacuum it out, and take some really good pictures before posting it online This helps you justify asking for more money for it.
Now imagine if you waxed it, steam cleaned the upholstery and motor, recently put new tires on it, got every service documented and done at the factory auto shop and had the paperwork to prove it. You didn’t just do this to sell it, you actually did this ALL THE TIME because you care about your car, you could justify asking WAY more money for it!
So let’s say this is your car, a 70’s CUDA (one of the coolest cars ever)!
The paint has worn off, the tires don’t match, the grill is missing and so is a headlight, and it actually doesn’t even run. Some people would still be happy buying this car as is, but only a very small segment of the population.
But you start working on it, you know how awesome this car can be if you put in the time on rebuilding it. You have the skills, or friends with skills, or the money to hire those with skills, to help you turn this broken down car into a work of art!
You strip away everything, which helps you find areas that you didn’t even KNOW you had to work on, until you get to the frame, the FOUNDATION of the car. THEN you start building it back up, bolt by bolt, wire by wire, you decide to improve it and drop a bigger motor in it, add better brakes and wheels, and AC.
Once you are done, you have one of the COOLEST cars ever a 440 Cuda. A car that people all over the world dream about, have posters hanging in their bedroom or garage of, people take pictures of it when they see it, strangers honk and wave when they see you driving by, it even might win awards.
This is all the SAME car.
It isn’t PRETENDING to be something it’s not.
It is just being a BETTER version of itself.
Some of you guys might not be classic car, muscle car, or MOPAR fans, and that is fine. All that means is you have BAD TASTE!
I want to say I am joking, but really I am not, the only cars cooler than a 440 ‘Cuda is a Hemi Cuda and a CUDA AAR! 🙂
But if you REALLY don’t like it, that is OK. There are enough people out there that do, and me and them already have something in common.
So when that girl, all of those years ago told me to “just be myself”, this is what she was talking about.
- By being MYSELF I was putting out an accurate snapshot of who I am to every woman (and person) I meet. By giving them that honest picture, it makes it much easier for them to decide if I am someone they might click with. When guys are out there PRETENDING TO BE SOMETHING THEY ARE NOT, they are basically lying to everyone they meet. (Women who hook up with these guys and later find out it was all an act, rightfully feel like they were manipulated into bed).
- She was also telling me to be the BEST version of myself! Not the stinky, unwashed, fat, bad clothes wearing, weak, unable to protect myself or my loved ones, poor, shy, unconfident version of myself. (which could easily exist if I let it).
She was saying she wanted the version of me that lives up to my full potential!
Which can be difficult to do…
And it was.
Until my divorce.
Then I decided to make life my bitch and take control of it.
It took a while, I had to break down the areas of my life that need overhauled, rebooted, improved, and even add stuff I never would have dreamed about. Breaking everything down to the foundation let me see things I didn’t even know I needed to work on. It then let me rebuild myself into the man I am today.
The path I travelled was a difficult one. Moving to another state, the amount of money I spent, working a job that was making me sick from all the BS each day, and spending more hours than I can even count working on my Pick Up, Dating, and Life skills.
But now, as I sit here in my home office, looking out the window into the snow covered pine trees, living in Flagstaff, where I have been wanting to move to for years, living with my GF, who is the coolest most amazing woman I have ever met, getting ready to head out to teach a 3 day 1on1 private session, recently returning from a friend and former student’s wedding, working for myself, when I want, with who I want because of the world I have created, and I think back to the version of myself who first heard this, who heard “I want a divorce” who was alone, who was depressed. It’s almost like a dream. I have to really think about it to even remember SOME of that version of myself…and even then it doesn’t feel like ME…not anymore.
I can tell you first hand.
Everything I went thru and all the hard work was all worth it.
2015 was an action packed year for me. I knew I was moving away from Phoenix so spent as much time as I could training with my martial arts instructor, travelling, camping, martial arts, edged weapon and firearms training, and check marking more and more boxes off of my goals list that I made almost 7 years ago.
2016 is right around the corner.
I have accomplished so many things that are on my goals list that I am actually having trouble trying to add MORE things to it!
So if you want to work on goal setting TOGETHER, making 2016 YOUR year, and want to do a frame up rebuild on yourself, your life, or your relationship goals, and become the BEST version of “BEING YOURSELF”, I am here and ready to help.
You can do it solo like I did, and take years figuring it out on your own and hope to get lucky, or you can get my help and learn things in days that took me months or even years to master!
Let’s make 2016 the last year we are unhappy with our direction in life, and instead take it in the direction we want, that WE control!