Posts Tagged ‘pick up’

Just be yourself. What the hell does that mean?

I remember the first time I heard “JUST BE YOURSELF” and thought=

What the fuck does that even mean? I AM being myself, isn’t EVERYONE being themselves?

Even worse, it was said by a beautiful girl and when I asked her to break that down, she just repeated it again, in a more girly voice. (think legally blonde)

I then dismissed it thinking it was shitty and pointless advice that was no help to me.

Throughout the years I heard this again and again, or variations of it, and each time I would think how dumb and pointless this advice was….

 

But does that actually mean it is shitty advice?

 

OR is the problem twofold

  1. Women who I heard this from weren’t able to logically break down what they are EMOTIONALLY attracted to in men and what this actually means at a root level.
  2. I was not in a head space yet where I could understand what this piece of GOLD actually meant!

 

Being “yourself” is an evolving and ever changing reality. I am still ME 20 years after hearing this, I am just an older, wiser, tougher, better looking, and more confident version of myself now. 😀

My favorite analogy on improving yourself and being TRUE to who you are is think about it like a CAR.

Some guys want to just get a girl and do 0% work on improving themselves. This is like trying to sell your car AS IS. Unless you have been taking care of it for all of these years…it won’t get you a lot of money for it.

Now imagine investing a day on improving your ride. You wash it, vacuum it out, and take some really good pictures before posting it online This helps you justify asking for more money for it.

Now imagine if you waxed it, steam cleaned the upholstery and motor, recently put new tires on it, got every service documented and done at the factory auto shop and had the paperwork to prove it. You didn’t just do this to sell it, you actually did this ALL THE TIME because you care about your car, you could justify asking WAY more money for it!

So let’s say this is your car, a 70’s CUDA (one of the coolest cars ever)!

The paint has worn off, the tires don’t match, the grill is missing and so is a headlight, and it actually doesn’t even run. Some people would still be happy buying this car as is, but only a very small segment of the population.

Cuda

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But you start working on it, you know how awesome this car can be if you put in the time on rebuilding it. You have the skills, or friends with skills, or the money to hire those with skills, to help you turn this broken down car into a work of art!

 

You strip away everything, which helps you find areas that you didn’t even KNOW you had to work on, until you get to the frame, the FOUNDATION of the car. THEN you start building it back up, bolt by bolt, wire by wire, you decide to improve it and drop a bigger motor in it, add better brakes and wheels, and AC.

 

 

 

Once you are done, you have one of the COOLEST cars ever a 440 Cuda. A car that people all over the world dream about, have posters hanging in their bedroom or garage of, people take pictures of it when they see it, strangers honk and wave when they see you driving by, it even might win awards.

This is all the SAME car.

It isn’t PRETENDING to be something it’s not.

It is just being a BETTER version of itself.

Some of you guys might not be classic car, muscle car, or MOPAR fans, and that is fine. All that means is you have BAD TASTE!

I want to say I am joking, but really I am not, the only cars cooler than a 440 ‘Cuda is a Hemi Cuda and a CUDA AAR! 🙂

But if you REALLY don’t like it, that is OK. There are enough people out there that do, and me and them already have something in common.

So when that girl, all of those years ago told me to “just be myself”, this is what she was talking about.

  1. By being MYSELF I was putting out an accurate snapshot of who I am to every woman (and person) I meet. By giving them that honest picture, it makes it much easier for them to decide if I am someone they might click with. When guys are out there PRETENDING TO BE SOMETHING THEY ARE NOT, they are basically lying to everyone they meet. (Women who hook up with these guys and later find out it was all an act, rightfully feel like they were manipulated into bed).
  2. She was also telling me to be the BEST version of myself! Not the stinky, unwashed, fat, bad clothes wearing, weak, unable to protect myself or my loved ones, poor, shy, unconfident version of myself. (which could easily exist if I let it).
    She was saying she wanted the version of me that lives up to my full potential!

Which can be difficult to do…

And it was.

Until my divorce.

Then I decided to make life my bitch and take control of it.

It took a while, I had to break down the areas of my life that need overhauled, rebooted, improved, and even add stuff I never would have dreamed about. Breaking everything down to the foundation let me see things I didn’t even know I needed to work on. It then let me rebuild myself into the man I am today.

The path I travelled was a difficult one. Moving to another state, the amount of money I spent, working a job that was making me sick from all the BS each day, and spending more hours than I can even count working on my Pick Up, Dating, and Life skills.

But now, as I sit here in my home office, looking out the window into the snow covered pine trees, living in Flagstaff, where I have been wanting to move to for years, living with my GF, who is the coolest most amazing woman I have ever met, getting ready to head out to teach a 3 day 1on1 private session, recently returning from a friend and former student’s wedding, working for myself, when I want, with who I want because of the world I have created, and I think back to the version of myself who first heard this, who heard “I want a divorce” who was alone, who was depressed. It’s almost like a dream. I have to really think about it to even remember SOME of that version of myself…and even then it doesn’t feel like ME…not anymore.

I can tell you first hand.

Everything I went thru and all the hard work was all worth it.

2015 was an action packed year for me. I knew I was moving away from Phoenix so spent as much time as I could training with my martial arts instructor, travelling, camping, martial arts, edged weapon and firearms training, and check marking more and more boxes off of my goals list that I made almost 7 years ago.

2016 is right around the corner.

I have accomplished so many things that are on my goals list that I am actually having trouble trying to add MORE things to it!

So if you want to work on goal setting TOGETHER, making 2016 YOUR year, and want to do a frame up rebuild on yourself, your life, or your relationship goals, and become the BEST version of “BEING YOURSELF”, I am here and ready to help.

You can do it solo like I did, and take years figuring it out on your own and hope to get lucky, or you can get my help and learn things in days that took me months or even years to master!

Personal and Private coaching with Bravo

Let’s make 2016 the last year we are unhappy with our direction in life, and instead take it in the direction we want, that WE control!

So you are like Hitch?

Ya….kind of……but I don’t teach guys to lie!

This is the first question I get as soon as I respond to the old “so what do you do for work?”

-and what my GF gets from all of her friends and co-workers as soon as she tries to explain my job to them.

It’s their only taste of this world besides the dating advice columns in magazines and all of those books like THE RULES but….most don’t take those things seriously.

They never got so depressed staring at the ceiling each night from bed, a bed they sleep in alone, wondering what’s wrong with them and why they don’t have to balls to talk to girls (and then google how to get help).

But I digress-

They like Will Smith (I’m still pissed about I AM LEGEND), he does have some great quotes about life and seems like a solid dude…so I will let it slide. Anyways Hitch was a big movie and even if they didn’t watch it they have at least heard of it.

-Word is they are actually turning this movie into a TV show, CNN LINK

So I wanted to cover a few of the big issues I had with HITCH

 

#1 ALWAYS be honest!!!

 

The movie starts off with him setting up a scenario where he lures away a woman’s dog, gives it to a client who then sets up an elaborate ruse where he can act like he almost died trying to rescue it.

Dog Thief

What a great way to start things off with the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with!

I am honest, to a fault. (don’t ask me if jeans make you look fat unless you want the truth). I always tell my guys to be honest with women, and EVERYONE in their life.

-eg. Never lie to a woman about your sexual intentions? There are PLENTY of women who are down for the same!

 

So how was HITCH teaching guys to lie?

As soon as he starts doing his RECON work for his client’s “mark” he is:

A. Being creepy as shit

B. Gathering INTEL to help his customer create a fake identity with whom the “target” will then helplessly fall in love with.

-The problem with wearing a mask, is eventually it has to come off.

Days, weeks, months, YEARS later….the truth is going to come out and she is going to be mad/hurt, and she has every right to be.

You should never have to LIE to anyone, if they don’t accept you and your terms, keep looking until you find someone who does.

 

I, on the other hand, prefer to teach men how to be the BEST VERSION OF THEMSELVES. 

What does that actually mean?

It means teaching my guys to live up to their FULL POTENTIAL. To not allow something stupid like limiting self beliefs or 1 person’s negative opinion from years ago, to control the direction of your life!

Guys like me needed to have a paradigm shift and understand that this IS something that we can control, something we can work on and actually get better at, and THEN how to do so.

 

#2 Don’t chase that one girl!!!

 

I have gotten this question more times than I can even try to count, thru email, Facebook, in person, and on phone coaching calls.

“So there is this one girl…”

As SOON as I hear this, I know I am dealing with an AFC.

Thinking about “this one girl” at work, who works at someplace you frequent, or from your past- who has NEVER shown you even an ounce of attraction and probably doesn’t even know you are alive- well bad news, obsessing over “THIS ONE GIRL” is closer to stalking than love, on the relationship spectrum.

 

Guys need to learn that women aren’t beautiful butterflies.

 

Well they are human beings for one, but something that will help guys understand this is the Butterfly/Moth analogy.

Any guy who runs outside with his net, trying to catch “this one” perfect butterfly will always be disappointed.

Instead you need to understand that women are more like moths, and YOU are the bright light that attracts them. Then YOU chose the one(s) you want. The bigger and brighter you are, the more that you attract, and the more choices you have.

 

Then you find women who are legitimately attracted to YOU for being YOU!

 

Now I know this idea might be almost impossible for an AFC to comprehend, but there are TONS of guys on my forum who have learned this, and will tell you first hand that it works.

I am currently in the BEST relationship of my life, living with my GF and this is how I “got her.”

I was awesome, she realized how awesome I am (and vice versa) and we both know how fortunate we are to have found each other.

No trickery, no lies, no pretending to be something each other is not. No con-games set up to trick her to fall for me. No gimmicks or manufactured scenarios to push her into my arms.

Which ultimately is the lesson that Pick Up tries to teach guys, that so many fail to even get close to understanding (even guys who teach this stuff).

The purpose of Pick Up is to level yourself up, to become cooler than you ever thought possible, to become the man that WOMEN WANT TO BE AROUND, and then be able to actually build a honest and deep connection with another human being, in any possible location in a short timeframe.

Once you have the skills to do that…life gets pretty awesome.

How to handle flakes

One of the most misunderstood and most difficult to overcome sticking points for new guys.

 

Flakes

The fear of the approach is so powerful, that it quickly filters out the guys who aren’t committed to learning this stuff. But new guys who have very little experience getting numbers and getting dates start encountering “flakes” and their resolve and self confidence can get a bit shaky. Lucky for you, I am going to break this down so you can instantly understand what is going on…and you don’t have to spend a year trying to figure this out on your own (like I did back in 2006 which ultimately lead to the Bravo Number Close)

Guys (and AFC me) have so much trouble trying to understand this because we are still viewing the world thru AFC glasses, and have a distorted view on is actually going on.

The most important and first thing you need to understand is=

 

A reschedule is different than a flake

 

“Hey, something came up and I have to stay late at work tonight so I can’t meet you for a drink, can we hang out tomorrow?”

That COULD be a 100% legit excuse!mans since she is offering a reschedule date, that conveys that she WANTS to see you.

If she’s doesn’t offer a hard date and is more general with something like “maybe next week” then you should try to lock it down. If she is wishy washy on setting a time then respond back like a confident guy would with, “cool, well let me know when you are free and we can do something then  :)”

That way the ball is in her court, incase she IS wanting to see you, the door is still open and her getting back to you is her giving you a big GREEN LIGHT. This also saves time my time because I don’t think about her or the date again until she contacts me, and it prevents AFCs from contacting her too much and looking creepy. It also conveys that I am a man with other options.

When dealing with a legit reschedule, I give her 1 chance at another time. If she wants to see me, she will find away. If she is on the fence just trying to “politely” blow me off (wasting a guys time and giving him false hope isn’t the polite way ladies. This is a good example of woman logic. If she doesn’t have to deal with the repercussions. It doesn’t exist). Now there are always exceptions to the rules and one girl who is a nurse and was on call had to reschedule a few dates, and because I was attracted to her, I let it slide. I did however let it be known that any time that happened, she had to figure out a way to make it up to me…and she always did! 😉

 

Now a TRUE flake=  a chick blows you off, stands you up, leaves you hanging= fuck her.

Back in my AFC days, a flake would get me worried. (me being the super nice guy that I was)

  • She was digging me…and she wouldn’t do this, she’s not that type of girl….so something clearly happened…I wonder if she got into a car accident or something.
  • Is she OK?
  • I need to know.
  • Maybe she’s lost.
  • I better call her again.
  • No answer.
  • I better call her again.
  • Shit. No answer.
  • I’ll know, I’ll text letting her know it’s OK to blow me off!
  • “If you don’t want to go out with me that’s cool, I just want to make sure you are OK. Just text me so I know. Either way I wish you all the best. :)”

What a giant fucking pussy….that was still painful to just type out….too bad I am not the only one who knows that pain.

Why would you wish a person who just conveyed to you, that you aren’t even worth a few seconds of their time, the best.

 

Fuck them

 

Fuck them

 

Fuuuuuuuuuuuck them!!!

 

 

AFC think like this

Not adults who value their time!

Not MEN!

Our time is our most valuable asset, fuck anyone who wastes mine! (especially whoever invented the fucking automated telemarketer)

Just like fuckers on craigslist who never come by, and don’t call/text/email you saying they changed their mind and leave you waiting around the house for an hour waiting for them.

Fuck them! (got it?)

Bottom line.

If you built SOLID attraction, she wouldn’t flake on you.

—————————————————————-

example time-

Who do you think is the hottest chick in the world?

Megan Fox

Prime Angeline Jolie

Jessica Alba

Or maybe some dirty porn chick.

Whoever she is, it doesn’t matter. The analogy will work. For the sake of the story I’m going to use Natalie Portman.

To help with story

To help with story

Let’s say you bump into her in your home town. You approached her (because you decided FUCK IT and took a shot like a Boss) clicked and go for the number close.

“I actually don’t even have a phone right now. It got hacked and I’m going over to japan for a month for a movie. But give me your number and I PROMISE that I will call you when I get back and we will have a date”

What would you do?

Of course you’d give it to her!!

So a month goes by, you tell all of your friends about it, and as 30 days draw closer you start getting excited.

Every time the phone rings you get excited, only to look at the caller ID and see its work, or even worse. Mom.

A few weeks go by

A month or 2

4 months go by and you’ve finally accepted that she isn’t calling, none of your friends believe you and you are so bummed, you don’t even jack to her anymore.

Then the phone rings and it’s some weird number.

“Hello?”

“Hey……Stephen? It’s Natalie. I’m not sure if you remember me…”

“Natalie, of course I remember you…… what happened?”

“I am SOOOO sorry. I put your number in my purse, it got packed up, I looked for it everywhere, and I JUST found it and called you right away.

I really want to see you….if you still do?”

– of course we want to

“I’m in town this weekend, I have a suite at the Ritz and was wondering if you would want to come over, we can get room service and enjoy the hot tub that is in my room?”

– of course what would you say???

 

But, you have to work?

So what would you do?

Take time off? Call in sick? What if they won’t let you… quit your job?

What if it is your mom’s 60th birthday that weekend?

“Sorry mom. I’m sick. Cough cough. I can’t make it.”

Or are you cool enough with your mom-

“Hey mom, just got off the phone with Natalie Portman, we are hanging out this weekend, she’s in town, and we are hot tubbing, cool if I raincheck the bday?”

“Sure thing! Good luck Steve, wear a rubber, pretty sure she banged Russell Brand.”

“Shit, good memory, Thanks mom!”

Now why would I blow off mom’ bday for a chick that I don’t really know, and left my hanging for months?

Because she Natalie Fucking Portman, that’s why!!!!!!!!

She has SO much value (in my head), social proof, is hot, rich, basically she has +5000 attraction in my mind.

So if the girl you number closed last week only has +10 attraction in YOU, she might flake for any reason. If someone else comes along who rolls a +200 attraction, you get downgraded to a +2 and get blown off. Or since you only worked flash game, had a +200, but a day later, after she had time to think about things, and decided she didn’t like the pink boa as much as she thought….and the alien high five was more gay than cool, then that +200 turns into a -500 and her and her friends sit around making fun of you.

 

How do you fix this and prevent flakes?

By running solid game, that connects on a deeper level, that isn’t just flash game, and striking while the iron is hot ( locking in day 2 plans THEN, not days later).

Do that, and your flakes will basically disappear and reschedules rarely, if EVER happen. If they keep happening, then you aren’t running solid game.

I don’t even worry about flakes now. If a girl does flake, then that is her demonstrating her mindset (which clearly is not one I want to be around) that she clearly has bad taste (by not making the time to hang out with an awesome guy like me), or the third reason a chick will flake.

An emergency  actually came up and she couldn’t reschedule with me.

If that happens, then when she does reach out to me later, I have to hear a good excuse, believe her apology, and accept whatever offer she is making to “make it up to me”. If I’m not satisfied with all of those, then her ship has sailed.

Lastly, a simple way to prevent those AFC thoughts from ever building up is to have a texting relationship with her already established. So when she is getting ready to leave she texts to let you know. Maybe she texts you because you have to let her into the building from outside, or for any other reason you can think of. That way if she doesn’t text before your date, you already know and aren’t left swinging in the wind.

 

Simple

😀

Online Game 2.0 is LIVE!!!!

I am very happy to share this with you guys.

It took a little longer than I hoped to create (it always does) but I wanted to make it as awesome as possible for you guys.

I am VERY proud of this program and can not wait for you to start experiencing just a piece of the amazing life I have.

See ya on the forum!!!

http://bravopua.com/blog/coaching/online-game-2-0/

Just added this vid. he felt like coming up to tell me he thought my presentation (a condensed version of the 2.0 program) at the 2010 PUA SUMMIT was solid, so I got a quick clip

😀

Ask the Alpha Male Episode #3

First off I want to apologize for the delay in this, the third installment of ASK THE ALPHA MALE.

I have never taken a computer class in my life, and running this blog, programming and running my NEW FORUM (just broke 101 members today) and working on my ONLINE COURSE (trying to make it awesome and different from all the other shit out there, no e-books that you never read, no waiting months for a crappy DVD to show up) is taking up WAY more time than I thought it would.

I have also been doing a ton more personal coaching, which is really what I love and why I first got into this. (three guys got laid last week)

AND of course I have been kicking my online game into overdrive so I have even more things to teach, I even signed up for MORE online dating sites and am testing those out as well as social networking sites.

Anyways, enough excuses here is episode 3

Thanks again for tuning in, and 1 change from the last episodes. For now on if you have a question you want me to answer, post it BELOW as a comment and I will answer as many as I can next week.

-Going to the Bozo the Clown book signing here in Hollywood at 4pm today with Topher. A great friend of mine, Scott McKenzie wrote it, Neil Strauss published it, make sure to say HI if you see me!

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From Bravo-

After being featured in RULES OF THE GAME and travelling the world working for Style as his Executive Coach, I realized something

I teach MORE than just Pick Up, I help men, on a much deeper level, become the best version of themselves so they can meet, attract, & GET the woman of their dreams! -all while NOT relying on routines and cheesy pick up lines!

If you're ready to begin your transformation and want my help, please visit my coaching page.