Self worth issues.

[Fredster]

I'm beta in my group of friends. I mean they look out for me, and I'm really close with them and love them, but I'm generally supplicating to them. I crave approval subconsciously I think. When I get a compliment "awesome cooking bro !!" I'm elated.

When I'm out of the loop with anything, or not invited, when I have not spoken with friends, I'm hurt. I feel like a wuss for caring, but I can't help it. This also affects my AA, like when I'm negative, AA is in full swing during daygame, when I'm happy, I chat to randoms all the time<-- I don't know WTF happens here, but I'd sure like to control it.

I'm trying to get in better physical shape. Doing 1000 steps 2-3 times in a row, eating perfectly.

I'm fixing my posture and dressing awesomely.

I'm trying to be more driven and productive with regards to my studies and slacking off less.

This is all pretty stream of consciousness, but, how do I go about developing a true appreciation for myself and real, innate high value as a person? How do I stop seeking approval reflexively? Any thoughts on this, do share.
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[Cinema]

I recommend you check out the 10 Characteristics of Alpha Males.
http://www.seductionbase.com/seduction/ ... a/513.html

Read over these once or twice a week and actively try to recognize when you're being "beta" in the field. As you begin to spot your own "beta" behavior you'll begin to feel differently about yourself. When you work to change your behavior, you'll begin to wash your old worries away.

I found that over time I adjusted my behavior and this resulted in a power shift among a lot of my friends. You may even have some little conflicts with friends as you establish yourself as someone demanding equal respect. But it's all good in the end.

I also recommend doing daily affirmation statements. Do a quick forum search on those to find oodles and oodles of posts.

And lastly, Monday 10pm Eastern time is SmoothCall's Flashchat. He's an inner game guru. Make sure you attend. viewtopic.php?f=18&t=1303

[Science]

Check this out, I posted it a few weeks ago....

viewtopic.php?f=1&t=4289


For me, a big change came when I drew validation from within. If people compliment me, or insult me, I take both the same. I rank MY approval of myself above anyone elses approval of me, even if it's positive.

Approval seeking is very unattractive to women, they want a secure man that is in control. They want a leader. YOU can be that leader.

Tear up the rule sheet for what society wants and expects of you, seriously, fuck that.

Write your own one, the things YOU value, YOUR goals, things YOU believe to be important and genuine with who YOU are.

Don't be the guy that just SAYS 'i don't care what people think of me', ACTUALLY be that guy, and your attractiveness with women will sky rocket.

This isn't something you write once and you've cracked it, your goals and beliefs will evolve, become more congruent with who you are and what you want to achieve in life, the message you want to portray. You'll live with more and more integrity and have the inner glow of a man living congruently with what he believes in. That's cool.

Check this Steve Jobs video out too, very inspiring...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF8uR6Z6KLc

I watched a Arnold Schwarzenegger video today and it opened my eyes again to the single minded focus you need to have to achieve anything worthwhile.

Draw your state and validation from others and you'll always be their prisoner, design your own life, build your own awesome world and people will seek YOUR validation. And subsequently your penis.

Always wear a condom.

[Fredster]

Thanks a lot for the guidance, I was so lost, but i shall take your advise seriously and carve out alpha qualities that are more congruent with me.

I'll make some time clear for the flash chat. I hope that I can access it considering that i am in Australia.

[NOMEX]

I used to be in your exact same boat, that sounds very accurate to how I used to feel and it was just depressing..

The most significant thing you can do to help your life right now is build your self esteem. I highly recommend the books 'the six pillars of self esteem' and what really blew my mind and changed my thinking was 'nlp: the new technology of achievement." also read 'the power of now' to make you realize that you literally need nothing to be happy. Nothing. You live in this moment and nothing else.

If you want to get over this bs you have to put up with every day (I know how miserable it is) you need to realize how ridiculous is it to be so worried about everything.. Look around you an you will realize how many people are so fucking worried and concerned what people think of them. It's so ludicrous. They look so helpless and pathetic, ashamed..Of WHAT? It makes me sick and I used to be the worst of it. Look at yourself in the mirror 15 minutes every day and contradict any negative feelings about yourself.

Confidence is not built from pushing yourself trough things. You must recode your brain to Stop thinking about the past and focus on good feelings in the present and EXPECTING them to be there for you I the future.

Think of 5 times in your past when you have felt absolutely helpless and embarassed for no reason. Play a movie over and over in your head of how dumb you look. Tell yourself over and over "I'm so sick of this." play the movie backwards several times getting faster every time. End with a blank screen, then do the opposite with good feelings in the past, successes. Look at someone who you know loves you and see it through their eyes. You mean so much to them.

I have never been the same.

Good luck

[FRO]

Just like Nomex stated, pier of now is a great book to read. Also read the five things we cannot change and the happiness we find by them, it's like the power of now but easier to understand, but deff read power of now. Read little voice mastery too, it teaches you how to controll the AFC voice in your head. Also if you are great at doing things show it off. For example since I'm an amazing cook, I'ce been hosting a dinner party once a week to my friends. Since December, it's rbeem going so week my friends are inviting their friends to come over. With tht being said, my social circle has drastically increase and they are there bc of me, not some one else.

[Fredster]

Amazing advice NOMEX and also from everyone else. I really needed it.

I find that the one thing dropping my confidence is my procrastination habit, so I'm doing everything I can to fix it up.

I believe that if I fix my procrastination, enjoy life a bit and not care about society's expectations, that I will have achieved optimum self-worth and me happy with myself. The procrastination with my studies has been quite troublesome and a constant source of negativity since I never submit college/uni assignments on time and come close to failing.I am trying out a number of tactics to sort it out;I have not found a good tactic yet.

I find that , why I try not to be, my personality is influenced by my surroundings.
I found that I am not being beta in my group of friends and actually had the courage to keep away from friends who were beta and a negative influence on me, and distance the close ones. I am keeping away from my mother as much as possible even though I cannot move out of my home( I'm an Indian; traditional to stay with parents) , since I found out that she is quite possibly the biggest source of my lack of masculinity, fear, beta behavior, insecurity and lack of self worth. Also lack of not having my dad is further causing my masculinity to drop<-- trying to remedy this by hanging out with masculine people when ever I get the chance.

[v7m1x5]

Remember too that self confidence and self esteem can be compartmentalized. For example you can be very confident about one aspect of your life but have poor confidence around another. Once I figured this out it really helped me. I found that I have great self esteem in most parts of my life but there is one particular facet that I really struggle with. That helps me dig in and really understand why and what I can do about it.

[McGee]

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